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A Million Murder Ballads (2020)

by Benjamin Lee Farley

/
1.
This pack of dogs at the crack of dawn Is even at odds with phantoms This demigod with a semi-on Is picking us off at random There's heavy fog over every bog That makes the snakes look handsome (D-d-did not mean to) No trust Go bust I just kinda thunk You'd like it better in the trunk I didn't mean to kidnap ya Pity your enemies Bury your bullshit No trust Go bust Really didn't mean to kidnap ya Just kinda thunk you'd like it better in the trunk In the dark, away from everyone and their uh Opinions (Dididididididnotmeanta)
2.
Caught a hold a hurricane Passed out on their feet again Had a little bit of everything Caught a hold a heaven's hand Cast right outta Eden and Put away the phone, the devil's listening Got all their hair Got all them teeth Got both their hands It's all they need Caught a sight of serpentine Cover up and don't be seen Try a little bit of everything Caught a sight of heaven hand Cast em outta Eden and Ever since no one is listening Hung em from an apple tree Like a living effigy No one ever taught em how to s(w)ing Caught a sight o flamin' sword Taught em how to cut the cord Put away the phone, the devil's listening Got all their ribs Got on their knees Got all their prayers It's all they need
3.
I got sharp edges and they're making me mean So do forgive me for cutting you down Sharp edges and I'm making the scene So do forgive me for just cutting you out I got places to be I got people to see I got places to be So don't let me catch you crying I got long legs and a deadline to meet So do forgive me for just passing some time Long legs and I've had too much caffeine So do forgive me for passing you by I got places to be I got people to see I got places to be So don't let me catch you crying
4.
You been cutting corners ever since you got your scissors back from the shop Everything is in disorder, disarray, Desiree do stop You been cutting rugs with anybody who compliments your teeth Everything is in disorder, disarray, Desiree do cease You been cutting ties with everybody since I sharpened your sword Everything is in disorder, disarray, Desiree no more
5.
Ida Mighta 02:09
At the party Ida mighta killed em all Mighta popped at least a few Ida had a real bad time Mighta done what ought not to Ida mighta never been the same again Mighta thrown em off the roof Ida mighta gone n snapped Mighta done what ought not to She mighta gone n murdered Been put away for years and years (Put away put away put away) In the kitchen mighta mighta grabbed a knife Mighta buried one or two Mighta hid the bodies good Just to see what y'all would do At the party Ida mighta killed em all Ida mighta died on cue Ida mighta never been the same again If she done what ought not to
6.
You might not even notice for a day or so But he'll walk off with all your pink flamingos Go to get your paper and you'll find em gone Watch the ornaments on your lawn Harry, Harry, Harry Wrote you a ransom song If you got the baby Jesus nail him down He's the truth to rumors that's been goin' round town Take your Virgin Mary and he leaves a calling card Says "Watch the ornaments in your yard" Harry, Harry, Harry Wrote you a ransom song
7.
Let me use your hammer, mamma I could fix that door that's jammed up I could fix your stall with all its walls kicked in Handyman with borrowed tools Let me use your ladder, mamma Get them gutters spic-n-spanna Clean enough to eat my next meal from Handyman with borrowed tools
8.
Keep it simple You're gettin' wordy Whodathunk you'd even make it to thirty? Keep it simple But keep going Bend over backward til your bones is showin' Keep it simple Nothin' to it Keep track of all your precious bodily fluids* Keep it simple Last words Somebody's Gonna Hafta Polish the Turds / It's my apartment, I can walk around naked If i want
9.
10.
They don't count as casualties if you act casual. And who's to say who wasn't a spy? Send in the drones Well who's to say who wasn't a spy? Send in the drones
11.
World war three? We still on three? Pretty sure it's world war four But we're alive Just in time for world war five Get your kicks Beore its world war six Bring down hell and heaven For w w seven Who's left to hate? Fuck it, bring on world war eight That last ember? That last ember is mine We're kicking off world war nine Do it again Just so we can have a top ten My superpower is not giving a fuck anymore Countdown
12.
Ooh don't you hate nostalgia... Back when all of our friends were having apocalypse dreams When mansions were present and future tense Skin on the walls and a film on the water Trust fund sons and two poor daughters Back when the peak seemed at hand cause it was Right under our nose while we looked up the skirt o the ladder for the top of the world Back when even the even multiverse even seemed small Because the numbers lined up all the time And our navigator had an electromagnetic finger to point and direct traffic Back when the one drug found us naked in waking in somebody's bed on some edge of Pennsylvania and the picture when the rest caught up was perfect Back when all our friends were having apocalypse dreams Comparing notes on cracks and seams And building un-burnable bridges Then burning one for the hometeam Back when we filled up a warehouse with cigarette stubs and all sortsa smoke And Las Casas would shake and cars would get towed And we just kept building un-burnable bridges And burning em by the fuckload
13.
Foolish conflagrations Just something to do with our hands Placard-bearing Sandwichboard-wearing Pamphleteers It's no wonder It's no wonder the ants got rid o their ears We got the future in one hand and the other hand waving our dicks at the screen Punching holes in hollow walls and Stroking the hair of preteen girls Poking holes in the pockets of the pants they sell Poking holes in the condoms they hand out at bars Poking holes in people's theories who don't really know what the word theory really means Poking holes in the thinnest of skins and leaving Regrettable tattoos It's no wonder Just gotta crack the code all over again One size fits all antennae Just something to do with our hands Foolish conflagrations I'd like to shake the ground I walk But I'm a wee bit small for it Let me crawl under this rock Ooh but I'm too tall for it There was a parade on Tuesday No idea who it was for Strangers asking favors Old man lookin' for a "piece[o]aaaaaass" Who's kissing who's mother with who's mouth? Mind your fucking business I'll be handing out a carton a week Like I think I'm my big brother I hope my friends don't buy their own hype I hope this parade starts an earthquake I'd like to shake the ground I walk But I'm a weeeeee bit too small for it So just let me go hide under this rock Ooh but I'm too tall for it
14.
He can burn the eastern seaboard with the center of his brain Crack and crumble skyward before finally going sane Ante up, the sun is up, the jig is up, run All his foes are sleeping deep along with all his guns
15.
Hold down the heavens Til saints march home Always, always Moving Back on the trail Still sitting still Landlocked, floating Moving
16.
17.
According To 00:16
18.
What was her name? Rose Marie? Some self-fulfilling prophecy Disguised as an apology Her name it may come to me In a fantasy When I am just trying to think of you
19.
Couldn't get arrested for my crimes I was just relaxing It came to me in passing To lie down in the road Throw a fit For the fuck of it Watch you watch me watch you trying not to care People catch everything on camera nowadays Might as well give em a show
20.
Gonna grow to be house size From eating junk food Retrace my steps Now that I'm dead Shoulda gone to that bar Tried to track down a threesome Outside New moon Embrace New crew Shoulda gone to that party Just wound up jerking off alone Passersby You know they love you Shitfaced Who knew Shoulda done exactly what got done
21.
This tune's for who? And uh, Harmonica what's his face A song I never shoulda sung out loud in the first place But it sounded pretty good in my head This tune's for that other guy And anyone else up to speed A song I really didn't need But it sounded pretty good in my head A tune for that lady from I forget where But she could shout Even songs whose lyrics lacked clout Though they sounded pretty good in my head A song for too many others Architects of ladders and their rungs We climb to worlds that can't exist out loud But they sound pretty good in my head Always gotta polish the turds You get the idea "As long as I have a place to live so do you" What am I gonna hold a grudge for 4 or 5 years? Plot vengeance? All that good shit? I keep recording pretentious gibberish 'Cause I'm out of ideas If you kill me I'll come back as shit on your heel The ants in your sugar, the nail in your wheel I'll let you figure it out Here is the heaven you've known to be true Since you were too young to be knowing such truth Here is the hell where your kind it belongs Thanks for the entertainment I'll let you figure it out If I die I'll come back as your hanging tree The hot batch you shoot up or the last thing you see Some kinda creature like what came for me When you die I'll be back as the last thing you see I'll let you figure it out
22.
I coulda wrote A million Murder ballads But I'll combine em all into one Combine em all into one You should run

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Written and recorded 2/2020 at 9D9 Studio except People to Be and King Gibberish, November 2019

Some lyrics are older. Been digging through old notebooks.

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released February 22, 2020

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Benjamin Lee Farley Asheville, North Carolina

All songs written, played, sung/sang/sing-ed, produced, computerized / all album covers made by Ben unless otherwise noted.
NONE of my sounds are made with Artificial Intelligence, just a few album covers.

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